10.17.2004
The Republican Language: A Report From the Field (DemocraticUnderground.com)
October 16, 2004
Satire by Jacob Owen
John Kerry is a flip-flopper. Or so I hear. The last person who told me that lost a finger. And while I casually tossed his bloody digit in the trash can behind the bar, I thought about the nature of being Republican. Do Republicans run away like this guy and leave behind appendages cut off in a knife fight or do they stay and hold their ground, demanding not only that I give his finger back but that I rush him to the hospital as soon as possible? Had he asked I might have done so, on moral grounds.
As I was saying, Democrats are moralists. We believe in helping the underdog, in Christian-like charity, in a strong, healthy society. Very nurturing. Republicans believe in natural selection, might makes right and the heavy hand of government not intervening to level the playing field. Very natural. There isn’t, for instance, a benevolent force to step in and save the family cat from being carried off by a great horned owl. After all, in the animal world the rule is eat or be eaten.
The Republican Language: A Report From the Field, by Jacob Owen - Democratic Underground ¶ 11:10
Satire by Jacob Owen
John Kerry is a flip-flopper. Or so I hear. The last person who told me that lost a finger. And while I casually tossed his bloody digit in the trash can behind the bar, I thought about the nature of being Republican. Do Republicans run away like this guy and leave behind appendages cut off in a knife fight or do they stay and hold their ground, demanding not only that I give his finger back but that I rush him to the hospital as soon as possible? Had he asked I might have done so, on moral grounds.
As I was saying, Democrats are moralists. We believe in helping the underdog, in Christian-like charity, in a strong, healthy society. Very nurturing. Republicans believe in natural selection, might makes right and the heavy hand of government not intervening to level the playing field. Very natural. There isn’t, for instance, a benevolent force to step in and save the family cat from being carried off by a great horned owl. After all, in the animal world the rule is eat or be eaten.
The Republican Language: A Report From the Field, by Jacob Owen - Democratic Underground ¶ 11:10
